Behind on life or just different?

I can go for months without feeling that deep sadness. Even when it comes around, I know that it will fade soon. But underneath the smile, the bravery, the confidence and the cheerfulness sits the anger. Always.

Sometimes it comes out, when I lash out at the shop attendant who keeps me waiting for too long, or when I rant about the appalling customer service in this country.

I don’t get hurt, because I don’t need anyone. I don’t need to fit in, be like everybody else, have what everybody else has. Until the days that I do.

The dating scene’s not for me. I never like anyone. Kids? Not interested. I am doing perfectly fine without a partner. I have work, and outside of that I can entertain myself. I am my own significant other. Except when I’m not.

And here I am, waiting impatiently for that phone to beep. The longer I wait, the more it hurts, the stupider I feel, the more it hurts. It’s one of those moments.

It all comes down to: do I find happiness on my own, forever, or I conform to the standard course of a family? I thought I had my answer. Now I’m not so sure. Because that anger must come from somewhere.